You Got Lucky Dont Ever Call Here Again

All versions

• "Look at me at present, look at me! I'm wearing a paper-thin belt!"
• "My blanket! My bluish blanket! Give me back my bluish blanket! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
• Leo breaks downwards into hysterics:

  Leo: I'grand hysterical! [splash] I'm moisture! I'Thousand Wet! and I'm hysterical and I'm Moisture ! [SMACK!] "I'm in pain. I'm in pain, and I'm wet... AND I'K STILL HYSTERICAL! (Max raises his hand again) No no don't hit, don't hitting! It merely increases my sense of danger!

  Max: What can I do? Yous're making me hysterical!

  Leo: Go over at that place, yous affright me.

  • The "Hysterical" scene is truly hilarious, only the 2005 remake earns extra points for adding the line "Who'south my little accountant? Who's my little accountant? You are! Yes, yous are! You're my little accountant!" And Max'southward "please, yous're making me hysterical" face up and exclaiming in a high-pitched voice, "Alright, alright! What can I do?! You're gettin' me hysterical!" before that.
  • "You're gonna leap on me! Yous're gonna jump on me and squash me like a bug!!!" In the original motion picture, Leo worries, "I know you lot're gonna spring on me, like Nero jumped on Poppaea!" Cue an explanation to Max on who exactly Poppaea was and why Nero jumped on her. Then Max screams "I'thousand Non GOING TO JUMP ON Yous!" while jumping up and down. Cue Leo getting even worse.
  • "This homo should exist in a straitjacket."
  • The Genius Bonus of calling him "Prince Mishkin" makes it even amend.
  • "You accept exactly x seconds to turn that look of icky pity into i of enormous respect. One, two... practise the books, practice the books!"
• The entire Springtime for Hitler vocal. "Don't be stupid, exist a smarty! Come up and join the Nazi party!"
  • The cut-away to the audition's expressions as they watch with rapt horror and disgust... with Franz right in the middle beaming from ear to ear and nodding along with pride. In ane of the commentaries on The Simpsons, David Mirkin calls this "the funniest single shot in movie history."
  • And then ane guy starts enthusiastically clapping, just for anybody around him to give him a smack.
• Fat!
• "I VAS NEVER A MEMBER OF ZE NAZI Political party!"
  • As Franz breaks into a triumphant rendition of "Deutschland Uber Alles," Leo awkwardly puts his hand on his heart before reminding Franz that people can hear him, at which point Franz starts sheepishly singing "Yankee Putter Dandy."
• "We observe the defendants incredibly guilty."
• While searching for a potential flop, Max reads the very first line of The Metamorphosis, thinks for a Beat and decides it's "besides skilful" (ie, cracking plenty).

The original movie

• "I presume yous are making those drawing noises to attract my attention. Am I correct in my assuming, you fish-faced enemy of the people?" (Leo looks downwards sadly) Aww, I injure your feelings. (Leo nods) Skillful!"
• "Ooh, I fell on my keys."
• Leo exercises his right to refer to his client by his first proper name.

  Max: Well, Leo, where shall we go for lunch?

  Leo: Well, Max... I dunno, Max. What do you retrieve, Max?

• Max and Leo dine "al fresco" (read: a hot dog stand).

  Max: Mmm, fantabulous! Delight tender our compliments to the chef.

  Max (giving the vendor a dollar): Of class, here you are, my adept human!

  Vendor: I'm not your good man. I happen to own this establishment.

• Leo and Max visit Roger Droppings the director. Max imitates Carman's effeminacy and Roger greets them in elevate.

  Roger: Ah, Messrs Bialystock and Blossom, I presume? Forgive the pun! (laughs)

  Max: (laughs)

  Leo: (to Max) What pun?

  Max: Shut up, he thinks he'south witty.

  • Poor Leo really is at sea:

  Roger: I'm supposed to be the G Duchess Anastasia. Merely I retrieve I expect more like Tugboat Annie. What exercise think, Mr Bloom?

  (Leo turns to Max for help, Max but looks away, letting Leo know he's on his ain here)

  Leo: (beat out) Where practice you proceed your wallet?

  • And so Roger flirts with Leo:

  Roger: Didn't we meet on a summertime cruise?

• The Hitler ad calls for actors with no experience. Cutting to a chaotic chaotic mess of auditioners in small moustaches, screaming "heil Hitler." There's even a random swimsuit model showing off his torso.
  • "Will the dancing Hitlers delight wait in the wings! We're just seeing SINGING Hitlers!" (Dancing Hitler potentials groan disappointedly, walking offstage. 2 Hitlers skip and twirl offstage.)
  • The auditioner in the cowboy outfit coming nearly the stop of his song, only to be rejected by Roger. He well-nigh walks off stage, just instead sings the last ii notes of his song, and gives his audience the finger.
  • Roger non letting one guy go out a single word of "The Piffling Wooden Male child."
  • The short stoic Prussian throwback:

  Roger: What will you sing?

  Prussian: "Take Y'all Ever Heard the German Band?"

  Roger: No.

  Prussian: (visibly frustrated) Zat is the name of the song I am going to sing!

• Followed immediately past the wonderful "Love Ability" number with Dick Shawn equally deranged hippie Lorenzo St Dubois. "THAT'Due south OUR HITLER!"

  Roger: And what take you washed, LSD?

  LSD: Six months, but I'm on probation, man! I'1000 goin' directly!

  Roger: I mean, what practise you lot do?

  LSD: Homo, I can't exercise that here. That's what they put me away for!

  • Roger staring with accented horror at LSD's audition. His secretary/young man, Carmen Ghia, on the other hand, seems quite taken with LSD'south pelvic thrusts.
  • "Darling, I lieb you, I lieb you lot. Now, lieb me solitary."
  • L.S.D. as Hitler "mapping out his campaign":

  Gonna crush Poland!
  And I'1000 gonna take over France!
  (scatting) Sieg heil! Sieg heil!
  Then I'm gonna take over Poland
  And and so I'chiliad-a gonna crush France!
  Oh, baby, don't y'all know, mama?
  And then I'm gonna cantankerous that English language channel, wow!
  And so I'm gonna kick them cats...in the pants!
  Pw, pow, prisoner of war, boom, boom, pw!

  • The actor playing Goering trying desperately to stay in grapheme and not look nervous when LSD starts going off book.
• Liebkind attacking Bialystock and Bloom, who frantically swoop for cover beneath the desk. If you listen closely before they dive beneath the desk, you lot can hear Bloom scream in a loftier-pitched voice.
  • They tell Ulla to offering him coffee to distract him while Leo hits him with a champagne bottle. Unfortunately Leibkind turns and catches him mid-swing:

  Leo: (turns bottle) Champagne?

  Liebkind: (sincerely) Thanks, I simply ordered kaffe. (roars and attacks Leo)

• One of the niggling old ladies Max woos gets distracted by a violin player, and Max resorts to pouring champagne downwardly his pants to get him to stop.
• Liebkind going bananas over Winston Churchill's humorous pronunciation of the word Nazis

  Narziz, Narziz... it wasn't Noses, it was Nazis!

  • That whole rant is glorious.

    'CHURCHILL!' With his cigars, and his brandy! And his ROTTEN painting, ROTTEN! Hitler, there was a painter. He could paint an entire flat in one afternoon! TWO COATS!!

  • Max visibly feigning involvement in the story by giving Leo a await that says "Oh, I didn't know that! Did you know that, Leo?"
  • Franz emotionally muttering "Ja... ja..." and getting closer to Max when Max starts going on virtually "The Hitler y'all loved, the Hitler you knew..."
• Liebkind in a full-trunk cast afterward blowing up the theater, singing "America the Beautiful".
• Returning from the disastrously successful kickoff night of Springtime For Hitler:
• "Y'all will shut upward. You lot are the audition. I am the writer. I outrank you!"
  • Leibkind knocking out the stagehand. "You vill please be unconscious." Whap!
• "Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Blossom, I'm going under. I'g condemned past a society that demands success when all I tin can offering is failure. Blossom, I'grand reaching out to you lot. Don't transport me to prison house... HEEELLP!"
• "Y'all're an auditor, you're in a noble profession. The word 'count' is part of your title!"
• Mel Brooks' business relationship of how Dustin Hoffman informed him that he'd be doing The Graduate instead, coming to Brooks' apartment late at night and throwing pebbles at the window. His response: "Yous mean to tell me yous're abandoning me to hang out in Hollywood for a calendar month and make love to the dear of my life? Proficient choice."
• "If you shoot [the dynamite], it will get mad at united states of america and blow us all upwards!"
  • Shortly earlier that: "Adjacent fourth dimension nosotros produce a play, no author!"
  • After Franz determines whether the fuse is ho-hum or quick... by lighting it ten feet from where they put the dynamite.

  "I told you zis vas ze qvick fuse und zis is ze qvick fuse." (Beat) " ZE QVIVK FUSE!! "

• Ulla "working" at her typewriter: she cautiously pecks at a single key, peers at the result, smiles in triumph and takes a sip of champagne.
• During Leo's touching "Whom has he hurt?" voice communication, especially when he puts his mitt on Max'southward shoulder, Max tin be seen complimenting him past giving the judge Puppy-Canis familiaris Eyes.
• Max, Leo and Carmen squeezing into an elevator just barely the size of a broom closet. When they get to Roger's apartment, they all tumble out, gasping for air.

The musical/2005 moving picture

• In the musical, Springtime for Hitler is presented directly to the theatre audition, so instead of the in-universe audience laughing when the Hitler role player starts being goofy, the real-life audience starts laughing when the principal part of the show begins.
• Jon Lovitz's Large Ham operation every bit the difficult-donkey CPA that Leo Bloom tells off.

  CPA: Bloom! Where the hell have you been? You are half dozen minutes belatedly. This is an accounting firm, not a land club. You tin can't come and go equally you please!
  Blossom: Yes, Mr. Marks.
  CPA: Think, you're a nobody. A PA. A public accountant. And I am a CPA: A certified public accountant, a rank a miserable footling worm like yourself could never promise to achieve.
  Bloom: Yeah, Mr. Marks. Thank y'all for speaking to me.
  CPA: You're welcome. (to anybody else) What are you all gawking at? You never saw a person humiliated earlier? Now get dorsum to work, all of you!

  • And later: "Do I smell the revolting stench of cocky-esteem?!"
• The "Keep Information technology Gay" number in the 2005 picture show deserves honorable mention. Specially with the appearances of a Manly Gay set designer, a Camp Gay costume designer, a well-hung choreographer, and a Butch Lesbian lighting designer.
• One of Franz's pigeons gives the "Heil Hitler" salute!
  • In a deleted scene, Franz sings "Der Guten Tag Hop Clop" Reprise and all the pigeons go "Heil Hitler"!
• The Siegfried Oath. Accompanied by Wagner in the background!

  Franz Liebkind: [making Max and Leo have the Siegfried Oath] All correct. First yous will enhance your right forefingers, und repeat after me.
  (they practice)
  Franz Liebkind: I solemnly svear...
  Leo Bloom, Max Bialystock: (holding upward their forefingers) I solemnly svear...
  Franz Liebkind: To obey ze Zacred Siegfried Oas...
  Leo Bloom, Max Bialystock: To obey ze Zacred Siegfried Oas...
  Franz Liebkind: Und!
  Max Bialystock: (switching to his Eye Finger) Und!
  Leo Bloom: (switching to his Middle Finger) Und!
  Franz Liebkind: (wagging his finger) Never, never, never!
  Leo Blossom, Max Bialystock: (flipping Franz off) Never, never, never!
  (Franz turns effectually to look at them; Max and Leo switch dorsum to their forefingers)
  (satisfied that everything is okay, Franz looks alee; Max and Leo promptly switch to their middle fingers over again)
  Franz Liebkind: Dishonor ze spirit und ze memory of Adolf Elizabeth Hitler.
  Leo Flower, Max Bialystock: Dishonor the spirit und ze... Elizabeth?
  Franz Liebkind: Jah. Dat vas his heart proper noun. Non many people know zis, but der Fuhrer vas descended from a long line of English qveens.
  [long pause]
  Max Bialystock: Is that right?
  Leo Bloom, Max Bialystock: (shrugging) Adolf ELIZABETH Hitler.

• And later on:

  Roger DeBris [signing the contract]: "Roger ELIZABETH DeBris!"

  [Stunned silence from Leo and Max.]

• Franz's excitement at getting his play signed for production... Not long afterwards denying his clan to the Nazi political party.

  Franz: Broadway! Await 'til they hear about this in Argentina!

• Yessssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss...sss?
  • "Sounds like steam escaping!"
  • Speaking of Carmen, his introduction.

    Carmen Ghia: (answering the telephone with a smile) Hello, the living room of renowned theatrical managing director Roger De Bris' elegant Upper East Side townhouse on a sunny Tuesday afternoon in June. Whom may I say is calling? (Beat out as his face immediately becomes serious) Listen, you broken downwards former queen. He was drunk, he was hot, you got lucky! Don't always call here once again! (slams the phone downwards)

    Roger De Bris: Who was that?
    Carmen Ghia: Wrong number!

  • Even funnier is Carmen's respond to the person calling is taken verbatim from the prove'southward script.
  • Max and Leo come in still wearing the swastika armbands they were forced to put on in order to butter up Franz, having forgotten they're wearing them. Carmen is clearly not impressed, and asks snidely, "May I take your lid, your coat and your swastikas?" Cue the looks of absolute horror every bit the pair tear the armbands off and, in some productions, spit on them.
• Max telling Leo that Roger "couldn't straight you to the bath."
• Max attempting to impersonate an Irishman.

  "And at present I'll be on me fashion, before me voice gets any higher!"

• After Ulla's "audition"/hiring every bit receptionist, Leo asks her what time she'll exist available in the forenoon. Ulla proceeds to get through her morn routine, which ends with her claiming to similar having sexual practice at xi:00.

  Ulla: What time should I get hither?

  Ulla: Nifty! Ulla will come up at eleven!

• The outtakes.
  • Well-nigh of the hilarity comes from Nathan Lane corpsing with that teakettle laugh of his, but there are some good lines too.

    Former Lady: Give information technology to me... Oh, I've forgotten what you are. Well Hung. Sorry.
    [laughter]
    Nathan Lane: (deadpan) Please, start that rumor.

  • The "dorsum in the closet" bit where they get Gary Beach and Roger Bart to run dorsum out and do it over again... and again... and over again...
  • And this:

    Broderick: Requite me those fat books, you fat walrus!
    Lane: Bite me! (Matthew cracks upwardly) Never!

  • Lane kissing the Butch Lesbian lighting designer and getting punched out.
  • Will Ferrell goofing around with the pigeon animatronic puppets.
  • Nathan says the line "Smile and the world smiles with you. This man should be in a straightjacket" while he'southward sitting at his desk-bound. He realizes this every bit he'due south saying the line, then pinches his brow and moans, "I'm doing the wrong fucking matter..."
    • Later on delivering his line to the bust:

      Lane: What?! Don't debate with me! (slaps bust, then turns back) Feeling meliorate?
      Broderick: Yep, I'm fine now, thanks.
      Lane: That makes iii of us.

• Carmen and Roger walk in on Max and Leo fighting for the books in a way which looks similar something else:

  Max: Give it to me!
  Leo: No!
  Max: Give it to me!
  Leo: No!
  Roger: Now that'southward what I call jubilant!

• The "King of Old Broadway" number.

  Max: How chop-chop they forget. I am Max Bialystock! The first producer ever to do summer stock in the wintertime! You've heard of Theatre in the Round? Y'all're looking at the man who invented Theatre in the Foursquare! Nobody had a practiced seat!I've spent my entire life in the theater.I was a protege of the great Boris Tomaschevski. Yes. He taught me everything I know. I'll never forget, he turned to me on his deathbed and said, "Maxella, alle menschen muss zu machen, jeden tug a gentzen kachen!"

  Nun: What does that mean?

  Max: Who knows? I don't speak Yiddish. Strangely enough, neither did he. But in my heart I knew what he was maxim. He was saying, when you're down and out, and everybody thinks yous're finished, that's the time to stand up up on your two feet and shout, "Who do you accept to fuck to get a break in this town?!"

• "You fabricated a fool of Hitler!" "He didn't need our help!" What really sells information technology is the fashion Roger and Carmen give each other this look of accented glee before maxim it, thrilled by being gear up for such a perfect punchline.
  • Shortly after, Franz chases Roger and Carmen with his gun, and the latter two run to a cupboard in Max Bialystock's office, leading to this Double Entendre:
• Max summing up the entire show thus far in the middle of "Betrayed":

  Step two, rent the director. Keep information technology gay, keep it gay, proceed it two iii kick turn turn plow boot plough. Ulla. Ooh-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah. Step three, raise the coin. Along came Bialy. Intermission! [sits down in silence for several beats]

  • Some performances volition take Max doing some kind of business organisation during the "Intermission" function: he'll flip through the plan and notation, "Oh, he's good. He's no Nathan, merely he's good," or he'll kickoff munching on candy. Other times information technology'll be something more than regional.
  • In one showing, it was in a college boondocks and the theater was rather empty due to a pivotal football game on the same day. During the "intermission," Max turned to the audience and said, "In case whatever of you were wondering, the score is 19 to 22."
  • In some other showing, it was an open air theatre with a concessions stand right side by side to the stage. Max actually gets upwards and buys popcorn from the stand up.
• "He's having a stroke." "What?!" "OF GENIUS!"
• "I only followed orders! I had nothing to do with the state of war! I didn't fifty-fifty know in that location was a state of war on! We lived at the back, almost Switzerland. All we heard was yodeling... yodel le he hoo! Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo, Yodelay, Yodelay, Yodelay!''
• From the original moving picture, Liebkind starts to sing "Germany Uber Allies" later learning that his play will exist brought to the Broadway phase, leading to this substitution:

  Bloom: Delight, Mr. Liebkind! (whispers) People can hear.
  Liebkind (freezes in horror, begins singing awkwardly): I'm a Yankee Doodle Neat!

• That moment at the start of "When You Got It, Flaunt It" where Max almost realizes that he's the "crazy human" Ulla was talking most, and tries to enquire Leo about it.
• Max has a flashback in jail, simply he quickly realizes something...

  Max: Expect a minute... my name's non Alvin. That's non my life. Someone else'south life is flashing before my eyes! What the hell is that about?! I'm not a hillbilly - I grew up in the Bronx!

  • In the 2005 remake, there'south a brief shot of Nathan Lane playing Alvin's mother, meaning this is the third movie where he dresses in drag (and only the second where he doesn't exercise the hula).
• Think when Ulla dance?
  • Yep!
  • ULLA Dance Over again!

    Max: I desire you lot to know, my dear, that even though we are sitting down, we are giving yous a standing ovation.

• "I can't practise it, I can't do it, I can't do it, that'south non me! I'm a loser! I'm a coward! I'1000 a chicken, can't you meet?! ... I tin't do it! I can't practise it! You run into Rio, I see jail! ... I cannot, cannot, cannot, 'cause I know it'southward going to neglect!"
• Max'southward reaction to Leo wondering what this volcano-esque feeling inside him is later on seeing Ulla trip the light fantastic toe:

  "It'south called an erection. Well, information technology's either that or malaria. Don't worry, they've got pills for everything these days."

  • In some performances, Max replies, "I don't know, but I don't wanna be around when it erupts."
• After Springtime becomes a hit, Max and Leo, despaired beyond reconciliation, sing "Where Did We Go Right", where they try to effigy out why, for the life of them, their scheme failed.

  Max: They shouted 'hooray' for that sausage on brandish
  Where did we go correct?
  Leo: Our leading man was so gay, he most flew away
  Where did we go right?

  • Earlier during the song, Leo is reading newspaper reviews for Springtime, and he stumbles upon this hilarious praise of the show:

  Leo: Christmas came early to Broadway this flavour, and guess who they stuffed in our stocking? Adolf Hitler.

  • Nearly the end, Max swears that they could non neglect in their scheme considering, every bit he and Leo put it, "half the audience were Jews!" Oh, and fifty-fifty funnier? Usually, as they sing the line, Max and Leo'southward actors turn to face the audition in front of them.
• Donald Dinsmore auditions for Hitler past singing "The Little Wooden Male child". But he's not able to get to the song because the directors shout "NEXT!" later simply a few bars. The startled reaction on Dinsmore is merely perfect.
• Jason Greenish auditions:

  Roger: Well Jason, what take you been upwardly to lately?
  Jason: For the last sixteen years, I've been touring with "No No Nietzsche".
  Roger: You played "Nietzsche"?
  Jason: No no.

• Max's commitment of the line "You lot proceed saying that, merely yous don't say how" in a style that sounds flirtatious after Leo tells him it is possible when he poses his "academic accounting theory" and Max tells him to keep.
• During "That Face", when Leo and Ulla are behind the sofa, they wave out their legs, so pop upward their heads a couple times, then Hold-Me-Bear on-Me pops her head upwardly. Cue the audience dissolving into laughter.
• "Now Ulla chugalug." Words cannot draw how funny it is when the breathy sex kitten character suddenly starts making similar Ethel Merman.
• "Leo, why you get and then far downstage right?"
• "Gimme those books!" "Fat fatty fat!" "Gimme those books!" "Fat fatty fatty!" "Books!" "Fat!" "Books!" "Fatty! "Books!" "Fat!"
• 'Concord Me Touch Me' propositioning Max while he'southward on trial.

  Max: I'm a picayune decorated...

• When he's going downward the line of little old ladies and taking checks at the end of "Along Came Bialy", he takes a piece of paper from a young woman in a like outfit with a cheerful "Thank you!"
  • As well, the choreography of the old ladies shuffling their walkers in unison.
  • And one of the lyrics in the vocal:

  Max: They're my angels, I'grand their devil, / And I keep those embers aglow / When I woos 'em, I can't lose 'em, / 'Crusade I bandage my spell and they first yellin', "Burn down below!"

• Roger's line toward the cease of the "Keep it Gay" number:

  Roger: Wait a infinitesimal, this is a big decision. It will affect the entire course of my life. I shall take to think about it. (barely any break) I'll practise it!

• When a frustrated Max is first trying to convince Leo to join him his the scam, he snaps "Don't y'all realize there'south a lot more to you than there is to y'all?!". He then looks away in confusion and clearly mouths "What the fuck?", obviously not fifty-fifty understanding what he just said.

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Source: https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Funny/TheProducers

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